Three Letters

Dear IRS,
I have a few issues with your tax laws:
I do not understand section 525(c)(d), paragraphs 3-5.
I do not agree that you tax my investments since this stifles economic growth.
I do not think it fair that you tax the inheritance I received since taxes were already paid on that money by my grandfather.
Many portions of the income tax where designed to address problems that existed before I was born. They don’t really apply to me today.
Please be advised that I will not be paying any of the taxes that I listed above. However, please rest assured that, as a law-abiding American, I will willingly pay the full remainder of my tax bill.
Sincerely,


Dear Professor,
I enjoy your class but I should let you know that some of your course requirements will not be met:
I don’t understand why you insist that all homework should be handed in for grading. If I understand the material, why should I do the homework?
It hardly seems fair that you alone will be grading our papers. This opens the door to subjectivity. I think the whole class should be involved in determining grades.
I don’t agree with your statement that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. This seems unnecessarily limiting and I’m sure we’ll someday find a way to overcome that. I cannot, in good conscience, echo such views on tests.
You may have had a problem in previous classes or with other students who would disrupt the class by arriving late. I, however, am always quiet and considerate so I don’t believe your rule barring late arrivals should apply to me.
I look forward to getting an A since I really love your class and am doing everything I can to do well in it.
Sincerely,


Dear God,
As You are aware, I am a committed Christian who loves You and loves Your Word. Because You love me and I love You, I know You do not want me to be concerned with a few things in the Bible:
I don’t even begin to understand why You would say that women may not teach or be in authority over men. After all, in another place You say that You are not respecter of persons – male or female, etc.
I know You know it would not be fair to send my grandfather to hell. He was a very, very good man even if he never followed You. And what about those people in the Amazon rain forest? No way is that fair if they go to hell.
And please don’t take this the wrong way (I know You won’t since we love each other) but I just don’t agree with the idea that homosexuality is wrong. These are some of the nicest people who love each other a lot more than some heterosexuals. And besides, You made them that way, didn’t You?
I’m sure You won’t mind that I skip all the parts in the Bible that weren’t written for me – that were written for other people at other times. The whole Jewish law – I think we can forget about that. And of course, the aforementioned passages dealing with women and homosexuality.
One final thought: I know You hate divorce and Jesus says that no one may get divorced except for sexual infidelity. But again, I know You love me and would not want me to be unhappy. And if my spouse is mean to me, You know that’s abuse and You wouldn’t let Your child suffer, would You? So I’m sure You didn’t really mean it the way some guy thousands of years ago wrote it down.
Thank You for listening. I know that You love me and I love You so we’re still good, right?
Sincerely,

Me